naturallyquiet

You know what I miss? Sleep. You think I'd be getting more of it, since it's summer vacation and all. But no. My life isn't that wonderful. Even when I want to sleep, I can't. I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. It's annoying as hell. And now my mom's got this thing in her head that I need to get a job because I told her I wasn't going to camp this summer and she thinks it's a waste for me to be home so much. And she calls me lazy for sleeping all day. If she only knew that I already had a job, it just doesn't pay, and it's way more than 40 hours a week. And I do it during school, too. Ugh.


I think she's just mad because I was supposed to be a camp counselor this year at that stupid summer camp. It's not like I had friends there or anything. I just wish I could tell her that I do more than just sit at Sam & Em's house eating muffins and having bonfires. It's bad enough that I have to sneak out of the house for patrol because she thinks somehow I'm sneaking over to Sam's to sneak around with Ashley....no. My mother weaves such a tangled web in her head. Anything to keep her baby boy home, I guess.


[blocked from Ash]
So...our whole 'year' thing is coming up and I wanted to get her something. Mind you, my income is limited to cutting lawns three times a week and only making $10 off of each. Any suggestions? I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to get for her, but any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

I'm literally at the point where it seems like no one's doing anything at all about these damn leeches but us. Aren't the Cullens supposed to be keeping an eye on their side of the treaty line? Jeez...never mind the fact that some damn bloodsucker managed to kill another innocent person. And almost a classmate of Ash's. This is ridiculous.

I just want the freedom to not be at home and not worry about anything but keeping everyone I love safe. And I can't even do that because we can't cross the line to Forks to patrol. This treaty thing needs to be reworked, I think.

I can't believe we're back in school. Ugh. And this week has been dragging on so slowly. Is it really only Wednesday? Just a few more weeks and we're done. Finito. Summer vacation. Junior year approaches. But mostly summer vacation. I've almost got my parents convinced that they can go away on a trip for at least a week. I can fend for myself. All they have to do is leave me $100 and I'll buy food. I can cook for myself. I probably won't be making chicken cordon bleu anytime soon, but I can do basics. If they're gone, I can finally dust off my keyboard (which I've been neglecting way too much) and play as loud as I want.

The sad thing is, all I did on break was catch up on homework that I missed while patrolling my head off (which was self-inflicted, I know). And I totally lied to my teachers, telling them that I hadn't been feeling well. My mother's got them so convinced I'm going to drop dead any second from malaria or some weird disease that they're used to my work being handed in late after one of her crazy phases where she keeps me home from school for no reason. Whatever. I don't like lying to them, but I have way more important issues going on than homework. Who'd have ever thought there'd be a day when I said that? A lot's changed in the past year, apparently.

I think my dad knows something's up. He won't come right out and say it, but he doesn't put up much of a fight when I yell to them, as I'm walking out the door, that I'm leaving the house. Obviously Mom wants to know where, what, why, and who...but my dad has been pulling her back. He stopped asking if I was on steroids or causing trouble or doing drugs or anything. I don't think he knows knows, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't think I'm in a gang anymore. Who knows, maybe one of the elders tipped him off or something? Nah...probably not. But he knows the legends just as well as we do...you'd think he'd put the pieces together by now.

[private to Ashley]
I think I'm gonna do my homework during study hall so I can go to Forks after school. Is that okay?

I've barely slept since it happened. Sure, I found Jynx when I was on my way to get to her after I'd found out what happeed, but I wasn't there to protect her like I should have been. I can't believe that filthy bloodsucker came so close to....God, I can't even say it. But it's all I think about. I can't concentrate on anything else. She's doing okay now, but...dammit. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. I sneak out whenever I can to make sure no one's coming near the house that shouldn't be. I know we can't defend if it's Cullen territory, but Ashley is my territory. I'm not risking her safety again. I won't.

Quil, I can't thank you enough for being there. And I would thank the Cullen girl, but any bloodsucker right now pisses me off. So whatever.

Seriously, guys, how are we not getting this thing? As soon as I catch a whiff of anything relatively vampiric, it's gone the next second. If this is a vamp, which we're all pretty positive it is, it's fast...and unfortunately really smart. Ugh, this blows so hard. My mom is in full freak out mode and barely lets me go to school, much less anywhere else. It makes going to patrol quite a sticky situation. Pretty soon, I'm gonna have to pull a Ferris Bueller and build some sort of contraption to make her think I'm at home in bed or doing my homework.

The murder thing sort of put a damper on Valentine's Day, though I gave Ash a pretty kickass gift, I made myself...okay, mom helped a little. I'm not exactly Martha Stewart or anything. But considering my lack of monetary funds, I'd say I did pretty good. (Sorry to brag, Ash, but I'm kinda proud of myself in this moment).

My dad and I went car shopping after I got out of school yesterday. He said now that I'm getting close to "that age", we need to start now. My eyes lit up at the used Audi A4, but I don't think he was really all about it. He's got 6 months before I'm even eligible for my permit, I don't even know why we're bothering now. Not gonna lie, having free reign over a used car lot was pretty awesome. Obviously, I wasn't allowed to drive anything, but I sat in alot of them. I gotta find one with enough leg room for all the people who could potentially be in my car.

I don't really get to hang out with my dad a whole lot, so I shouldn't complain too much. He just kept looking at me funny. Finally I asked him why and he shrugged and said "I don't know where you got the height from. No one in either your mother's or my families is that tall." And here I thought it was going to be a serious conversation. Thank God I could just laugh it off, because that would be an awkward conversation.

For the record, the more I realize what's out there as far as life experiences go, the more I'm realizing how much I don't like school. My grades aren't slipping at all, but man, I'd rather be going to see Ashley and watch a movie instead of doing homework. Even though I kinda like the homework. Ugh, it's a double-edged sword.

[private to pack and imprintees]

Oh man, Thanksgiving might just be the best holiday ever. Sure, historically speaking, it didn't end up so great for the natives in the long run, but I am going to ignore that in favor of stuffing. And sweet potatoes covered in marshmallows and brown sugar. I think I'm finally hungry...after 36 hours of feeling like a huge pig. Dinner with my family, more dinner with the pack...oh man...what a day. One word: Pie. Damn, I love pie.

And then my mother shakes me awake at 3 in the morning to ask if I want to go Black Friday shopping with her so I can help her lift the heavy stuff. Never ever again. I didn't even buy anything, I was just sent all over Wal-Mart to stand by boxes of stuff and tackle anyone who got in the way of the GPS my mom wanted to get for my dad or a ridiculously cheap television for the living room (the good part is that I get the old one for my room! Sweeeeet). And then she sent me to the car because she had to grab stuff for me for Christmas. We finally got home at 10 in the morning. Seven hours of my own personal hell.

I think my body is fully readjusted to a normal sleep pattern again. Thank God, because I have some major homeworking to do. Ugh.

I'm coming to Forks. One, because I didn't get to see you on your actual birthday and, Two, I want to make sure you're safe. I mean, I know you're safe, but I'll feel better physically seeing to your safety.

[private to pack]
Alright, I know Ashley doesn't want to go to her homecoming dance...but, I mean, she didn't say that she didn't want to go to ours. It's just that...I don't know how to dance. And I know that we'd probably have the time of our lives at this thing...but...ugh. I seriously am lacking in rhythm. If it was a karaoke party, I could do decently, but the second someone asks me to dance, well, not that anyone has ever requested it or anything but...I think I'd end up embarrassing her more than anything else. Let's just say I wasn't blessed with the gift of dance as a child.

Ughhhh. No amount of homework can distract me from the fact that I suck.
[/private to pack]

Anyone know where I can get a suit for cheap on a few weeks' notice? The one thing my mom didn't remember to get me was dress clothes, on the off chance that I'd ever have to dress up for anything. And since homecoming is quickly approaching for us Rez kids...I kinda need it ASAP. Besides, it's a good idea to have dressy clothes just in case. I don't think I can show up at a nice restaurant or anything in sweat shorts and a tank top.

[private to Ashley]
Speaking of my homecoming dance...I know you mentioned that you'd be more inclined to go to ours than yours...but I just wanted to officially ask you. So...would you like to be my date to La Push's homecoming dance? If you really don't want to go to this one either, you don't have to. I'm not going to go unless you're there with me. But we can also do another movie night if you're anti-dance in general.
[/private to Ashley]

[private to pack]
I know the leeches are bad, but did one of them have to talk to my girlfriend? Seriously...I wish we could just take care of them once and for all or at the very least run them outta town. Thank God he didn't touch her, she'd smell all...weird. Like one of them. And that would not be cool in my book.
[/private to pack]

[private to Ashley]
Need to have any more study sessions? I promise I'll help you out this time...

Okay, so maybe it's just an excuse to see you as much as possible. And if we can blame homework, at least to our parents, then so be it. I just really want to see you ASAP.
[/private to Ashley]

This school year might just be my favorite ever. No getting shoved into lockers, no getting picked on like I was a 10 year old...it's bliss. And my classes don't suck, so I'm pretty much on Cloud 9 in all respects Thought life would be better without the Cullens around. My Dad said he'd start teaching me how to drive, even though I can't get my license for another year and a half. Whatever, I'll still know how to drive by the time I take my test.

Mitosis? Such a breeze. Bio is no longer my least favorite subject.

Sometimes I feel like there's certain things I wish I never knew.

[private]
This mind reading thing really does not come in handy sometimes. Ugh. Jake and Leah??? *shudders*
[/private]


[private to Ashley]
Soooo...Bio homework looks pretty sucky this weekend. I've put it off pretty successfully so far. Need any help with your English homework? I'm in serious need of procrastination.
[/Ashley]

You know what's awesome about this school year? I haven't gotten stuffed in a locker once. Half of the guys who used to beat me up didn't even know who I was on the first day. That, my dear friends, is awesome. Especially since I'm taller than half of them, too. I have a feeling this is going to be one helluva year. I'm just sad to see the summer go.

[Pack]
Holy crap. I mean...HOLY CRAP. I have a date. On Saturday. With Ashley. Okay, so it's not really a date. We're just hanging out. But I'm teaching her how to surf...God, I hope there's some decent waves on the beach. And then we're getting food. Do any of you know anywhere within walking distance that serves, like, healthy stuff? I am freaking the hell out. Oh my God. I've been on Cloud 9 since last night. My parents probably think I'm high, but whatever. I don't care.

I know nothing about girls at all. I mean, I think she might like me? I dunno. So I guess I'm just gonna have to play it by ear...I just hope she doesn't think I'm a total tool by the end of the day.
[/Pack]

Is it Saturday yet? I'd really like it to be Saturday.

I had to spend three hours shopping today. Three.Hours. Oh my GOD. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't like looking like a total scrub and I've grown out of all of my clothes. My jeans look like clam-diggers...which isn't something I'd be proud to be parading around in. But I had to try on everything my parents put in the carriage and show them before they'd let me go. I can't complain too much, I have clothes that fit now. So that's cool. Also picked up some notebooks, binders, pens and all that other fun stuff to remind me that I'll be locked up in a classroom for 8 hours a day in a couple weeks.

Actually, I don't have much to complain about since I last updated. Hung out with someone unexpectedly, but it was totally awesome and great and...yeah. Hopefully there will be a few more days of sun and warm weather so we can finally hit the beach.

Oh and I finally got to see my darling cousin, Leah, since she got back from Hawaii.

For the record: Leah is awesome and cooler than anyone ever in the history of life.

There, I said it, Leah.

[private to pack]
So...how about a bonfire? It's an excuse to get us all together and eat tons and tons of food and plus me and Quil haven't gotten to go to one yet. I just think it'd be cool to hang without anything looming over our heads for once. Maybe this weekend or next? Depends on when everyone's gonna be around.
[/private]

[private to Ashley]
How are you feeling? Eaten any solid food lately?
[/private]

Remember that Will Smith song from forever ago called "Parents Just Don't Understand"? Yeah, that's pretty much the story of my life for the past couple of days.

Well at least I'm calm now. Just got into a huge fight with my parents. All of a sudden, the social life my dad has always wanted me to have is a problem. So, I have friends now...how is that a bad thing? My dad's a little less hostile about it, but they tagteamed me about how they think I'm running off into the woods to do drugs or something lame like that. My mom's even threatening to nail my window shut, since that's how I got out of the house this afternoon. It's just so frustrating. My dad just wanted me to be a normal kid and my mom's convinced the outside world is going to lead me to an early death.

I wish I never got sick when I was younger. Maybe I'd have a shot at being a real teenager. I have no social life: my parents think I'm just a dork with no friends. All of a sudden I make some friends and leave the house on a semi-regular basis: I'm a drug addict who has no respect for authority. What.The.Hell?

No threats of grounding yet, but that's probably the next thing coming.

[private to Ashley]
No matter what happens, I'll still be able to hang with you. My parents know your grandparents and I already told them we had plans for whenever you're here next. So...I just wanted to let you know. You know, for whenever you're here. I wish it was sooner...
[/private to Ashley]

[Wolves]
It was scary today. I came so close to phasing right there in my kitchen. That's when I booked it out the back door and into the woods. At least I got my clothes off in time. It's so freaking hard not to be able to tell them at all...I know the reasons why I can't, but that doesn't make it suck any less. They saw me shaking right before I bolted...can't wait for the Spanish Inquisition about that. Any advice on lying to my parents would be pretty useful right about now. Any tips?
[/Wolves]

You know what I wish? That we had way more exciting weather than rain. I'm watching Twister right now and I almost kind of wish I was a tornado chaser. I don't think we get more than a big thunderstorm every once in a while. Which sucks. If I had a car and a license, I'd be all over that. Crazy stuff like that always kind of intrigued me.

I haven't been doing much this week other than finishing up my summer reading and hanging around the beach. Usually, I like being alone there, but hanging out with people you weren't expecting is really nice, too. Like, super crazy awesome nice.

[private to Sam]
Um. So, remember that thing about being careful around girls? And that other stuff you talked about?

Yeah...

I'm 99% sure it happened.

So now what am I supposed to do?
[/private]

So...I'm feeling better. For the most part. My mom was surprised to see me in the living room this morning for breakfast, considering I haven't been outside of my room other than to go to the bathroom or a quick run to the kitchen.

But wanna know what she thinks I've been doing this whole time? Watching porn. When I asked her where she got that idea from, she said she heard panting coming from my room. At least she didn't suspect the fact that I thought I was dying for a few hours there. But that was a really super awkward conversation to have with her. I lied and said I was working out. That's why I was so sweaty all the time. Well...she bought it. My dad just patted me on the back and smiled. I think he believes her over me. Nice, Pops.

But, you know, it passed. Feelin' good. Maybe I'll even go for a run later.

[private to wolves]
Looks like I've involuntarily joined your ranks.
[/private]

I've been hiding from my mother for 24 hours now. Why, you may ask? I'm running a fever. And I hurt all over. Even laying down in my bed is killing me. And I know that if I tell her this, she's going to bug out, take me to the hospital and make them run a million different tests on me and I really don't want to deal with that. It's like every time I sneeze, she shoves me in the car and takes me to the doctor. And they always tell her she's blowing things out of proportion. It's been forever since I was really sick, but she's still all jumpy about it. Just when she's getting so excited that I'm a normal teenage guy, with a growth spurt her shopping can't keep up with and the fact that I'm not all scrawny and awkward...I have to dump this on her? Something I am not looking forward to.

I just know that with school coming up, I can't afford to get really sick again. I don't want to miss any more school than I've already missed in the past couple of years. It sucks because as much as I don't want to go and get checked out, I know I should. I haven't felt this crappy since I was 8. But this is different, I don't know how. I'm just trying to stick it out and maybe it'll pass...one of those 24 hour bugs...except it's been 36 since I noticed that I was running a fever. 102 degrees...which is totally past the borderline of healthy.

Ugh.

Maybe if I feel like this still tomorrow, I'll fess up that I feel like death and have her take me. I just hate needles and spinal taps and all the crap that comes with it.

( Application for Moonless Night. )